i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
