uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
