I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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