eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
