The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
