If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
