I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
