someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
