Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you still have your period?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
