i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
