The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
