i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
