How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
