guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
