i think my mom watched the whole time
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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