Me. At least after what I've been through.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
