i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
