New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
