thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
