alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just found a bag of teeth...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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