yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
