So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
