Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
