your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
