Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
