I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
