I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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