I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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