There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
