K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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