Cold hands, warm shart.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
