Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
