I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you win again, gameday.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
