life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Text me some of your sweat
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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