He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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