Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
