There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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