i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
