In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
