Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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