he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
