if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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