Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
