I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if only i could text you this smell
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
