Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
