her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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