It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
