I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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