My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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