Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
