ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
