Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
