He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
