remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
