it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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