were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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