the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
