i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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